Moonraker (1979)

• Easily the MOST OUTRAGEOUS Bond in the entire history of this franchise.
• Capitalizing on the success of Star Wars and the whole sci-fi craze of that era, this one takes Bond to space to combat a mad billionaire.
• You can expect to see the most nonsensical MI6 invention – the Venetian gondola that can transform into a hovercraft. At the beginning, there is a pretty intense skydiving prologue (where Jaws survive a free fall by falling into a circus net), lots of zero G effects, a massive space station, a ‘you’ll never see it again on movie screen’ moment where astronauts duke it out in space using pew pew laser guns, and even more pew pew as James Bond pilots a space shuttle that shoots lasers at poison orbs orbiting the Earth.

Villain – Hugo Drax

• The crazy fella who has somehow the resources to build a space station, acquire loads of space shuttles, and convince an army of people to follow his insane plan, without alerting any authorities. His insane plan – to exterminate all humans on Earth, while transporting only the ‘finest genetic specimens’ of humanity to his space station to start humankind anew.

Villain – Jaws

• Jaws is back! Apparently he has a big enough fan base following to warrant his return.
• As strong and invincible as ever, his role in this movie takes a dramatic comical twist near the end when he meets the girl of his dreams. Decides to help Bond after realizing that Hugo Drax doesn’t consider him and his chiq a ‘perfect genetic specimen’.
• Survives orbital re-entry in a section of a blown apart space station…….

Villain – Chang

• Almost succeeded in killing Bond by increasing the speed of a centrifuge machine that Bond was in. Stupid Bond also lar, wanna get into a life threatening machine for what when he jolly well knows he’s in the middle of an investigation.
• Stalks Bond while he makes love to Hugo Drax’s pilot, and then tries killing him again with a bamboo sword in Kendo gear (what, is he nuts?). Anyway, typical stereotype Asian villain, and died a pathetic death by falling head first into a piano from a few floors up.

Bond Girl – Corrine Dufour (Corrine Clery)

• Hugo Drax’s pilot, and tour guide for Bond. Falls for Bond’s charms when Bond enters her room while she is in nothing but a negligee. Funny how a simple romp in the bed can convert her into helping him break into Hugo Drax’s safe..
• The price of going behind Drax’s back? Death by being chased and mauled by two Dobermans.
• Hotness Level 3/5.

Bond Girl – Dr. Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles)

• CIA undercover spy pretending to be an American scientist on an exchange program from NASA.
• Plays hard to get and ultra snobbish at the beginning, but ultimately gives in to Bond’s charms when he saves her life atop a crazy cable car fight with Jaws. Turns out to be a useful ally during the later space battle.
• Hotness Level 2/5.

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

• One of the most boring plots ever. A British spy ship sinks in the Mediterranean, and the Russians attempt to get their hands on an ATAC (Automatic Targeting Attack Communicator) aboard it.
• Has the distinction of being the film where Blofeld is finally killed by Bond within the first 5 minutes of the film in a helicopter scene.

Villain – Aris Kristatos

• When Bond attempts to track the villain down, this smartass gets on Bond’s good side, and throws him off course by directing him against another smuggler (Milos Columbo) who is innocent.
• Doesn’t quite do much except trying to find the ATAC unsuccessfully, and then having to steal it off Bond’s hands when Bond finally digs it out of the wreck.

Bond Girl – Countess Lisl von Schlaf (Cassandra Harris)

• Milos Columbo’s bitchy chiq, whom Bond seduces (or is it the other way around). Made some passionate love the night they met, only for her to die the next morning (ran over by a dune buggy), thanks to Kristatos’s henchman.
• Looks kinda old, but she was hawt in that pre-lovemaking scene – generous cleavage and nipple slip and all.. haha. Hotness Level 3/5.

Bond Girl – Bibi Dahl (Lynn-Holly Johnson)

• In contrast to the old lady above, Bibi is a young horny teenager who wants Bond (but unfortunately Bond doesn’t want her). And they never do make out. Stupid Bond.
• Hotness Level 2/5.

Bond Girl – Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet)

• A STUNNER. Really gorgeous, with that European exquisite look.
• Melina is out to avenge her parents, who were brutally gunned down in front of her.
• An underwater archaeologist. She’s strong willed, and highly independent – even assassinating her parent’s murderer all by herself successfully. My type of girl. Hotness Level 4/5.

Octopussy (1983)

• Bond ends up in India investigating a plot to fund a war with stolen relics. Despite some cool flying stunts in a mini plane, tuk tuk chases, and an interesting train finale, there is otherwise very little over the top plot or stunts in this film.
• Has the distinction of being the Bond film with the most screwed up name.
• Lots of villains.. haha, all henchmen, and henchmen of henchmen. And some more henchmen. Even the Bond Girls all start off as being henchwomen..

Villains – General Orlov & Kamal Khan

• The Russian general and his lackey, both conspiring to replace Russia’s and other treasured relics with fakes, while selling the originals off to make a profit. The funds will be used to start a war, after a nuclear device is detonated next to an American airbase..
• Orlov will die disappointingly by being machine gunned in the back, while Khan perishes lamely when his plane crashes.

Villains – Gobinda & The Yo-Yo Killer

• Gobinda is Kamal Khan’s henchmen, constantly serious, with a vendetta against Bond for having escaped his clutches many times. Nothing spectacular. Dies by falling off a plane while fighting Bond.
• Yo-Yo Killer (got the name from Wikipedia), is a hired killer by both Gobinda and Khan. HAD to include him here despite his small role, because he wields a cool yo-yo saw! Poor guy dies by getting thrown out of a window and into a pond where he gets chomped on by a crocodile.

Villains – Mischka & Grischka

• Twin circus performers with a mastery for knife throwing. Despite their awesome skills, their knifes all seem to miss Bond miraculously. Mischka dies by having a cargo train fall on him, while Grischka is killed with his very own knife by Bond.

Villain / Bond Girl – Octopussy (Maud Adams)

• Technically a villain, she is the smuggling mastermind behind General Orlov and Khan’s plans. A mysterious character, living all alone on an island populated with women who are circus, religion and self defense trained. Named after a supposedly poisonous octopus.
• She gets seduced by Bond when they finally meet, and switches sides almost immediately. Hotness Level 2.5/5.

Villain / Bond Girl – Magda (Kristina Wayborn)

• Octopussy’s henchwoman. Slept with Bond so that she could reclaim Bond’s Faberge Egg. Has a tattoo of an octopussy on her thigh.
• Nice body, but she’s got some crazy pouty lips man. Hotness Level 3/5.

A View To A Kill (1985)

• Roger Moore’s last Bond film. He was 57 when this was filmed – and was one of the biggest criticisms of the movie. Roger Moore himself admitted to being too old for this film, and was mortified when he found out he was older than one of his female co-star’s mother..
• No particularly extravagant stunts here, except for a stunning finale at the very top of the Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco. That, and you also get to see a lot of tunnels being flooded with water, as well as innocent people being gun downed as they are running for their lifes..

Villain – Max Zorin

• Christopher Walken! The first recognizable villain who has a huge repertoire of other films outside of his Bond role (and a huge cult following too).
• He does a fantastic job as the psychopathic Max Zorin, intent on monopolizing the semiconductors market by destroying the entire Silicon Valley. He plans to do this by flooding two underground faults, as well as detonating a massive amount of explosives at a sensitive geological spot, to create a massive earthquake and flooding of the entire valley.

Villain / Bond Girl – May Day (Grace Jones)

• This she-male is downright scary as Max’s henchwoman. She’s super strong, feral, and not to be trifled with. Bond actually BEDDED her in a horrifying scene. :p
• Later, when Max Zorin leaves her behind to die, she switches side and helps Bond avert the disaster by sacrificing her own life. Regardless, she’s still freaking ugly to me.
• Hotness Level 0/5

Bond Girl – Stacey Sutton (Tanya Roberts)

• When she first appeared on screen, she almost took my breath away with those blue eyes and mane of hair. That is until she started screaming “Booond, don’t leave me, Boooond! Don’t Leave Me!” over and over again. Totally ruined her character..
• Hates Zorin for being cheated out of her family business and fortune. Besides her looks, she’s really quite a useless character – and Bond had to babysit her throughout.
• Hotness Level 3.5/5.

Bond Girl – Pola Ivanova (Fiona Fullerton)

• Peeweet! Bond encounters her spying on behalf of the Russians while spying himself at Max Zorin’s hideout.
• A brief lovemaking scene in a hot bath, after which Bond double crosses and steals her espionage tapes. Hotness Level 3/5.

The Living Daylights (1987)

• Timothy Dalton’s first Bond movie and boy what a refreshing change! No more stupid campy corniness that came with all of Roger Moore’s previous films. Timothy Dalton looks super suave and young. This is a much more serious, much more frenetic, and more logical film compared to the previous ones.
• Not much outrageousness. Maybe except for the cool new Bond car – Aston Martin V8 Vantage – equipped with front missiles, bulletproof glass, ski extenders, studded wheels, hub cap lasers, rear rocket blast, and a self destruct system.
• Complicated plot that involves a Russian general backstabbing and plotting against another Russian general – except that they had to involve Bond somehow.. (Had they not, they’d probably have gotten away with it). That aside, I really enjoyed this Bond.

Villains – General Georgi Koskov & Brad Whitaker

• Two of the lamest villains in Bond history. Totally nonthreatening.
• Koskov does nothing except fake a defection to the British, so that he can implicate a good Russian general in a fake ploy to kill British agents. That, and make lots of money by dealing in opium. Hmm..
• Whitaker does nothing much either, just an arms dealer hoping to make a quick buck through deals with Koskov. He does get to use an interesting rifle with personal bulletproof shielding near the end of the film though.

Villain – Necros

• Henchman to Koskov – tough, well built and well trained. Russian assassin extraordinaire, and very much a throwback and tribute to Red Grant in ‘From Russia With Love’.

Bond Girl – Kara Milovy (Maryam d’Abo)

• Originally Koskov’s lover. I don’t understand why Koskov spent $150,000 to get a Stradivarius for her, and THEN backstabs her by setting her up as an assassin (so that Bond will kill her).
• Bond however doesn’t kill her (cause shes hot), and while investigating her, ends up seducing her instead, and brings her over to his side.
• Quite an innocent, dainty girl here if you like that sort of thing. I thought she was pretty mild & clingy throughout. Not my cuppa tea. Hotness Level 2/5.