On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)
- This is the first and only James Bond film to star George Lazenby as 007. I would say he did a pretty decent job despite having no acting experience.
- It was also one of the most ‘raw’ James Bond film before the release of Casino Royale, due to its sheer rugged fight scenes, and some intense action sequences that are impressive even by today’s standards - in particular a ski chase and stock car race scene.
- It is also the first (and only?) Bond movie to where James falls in love with the girl, and marries her at the end.. (not counting Daniel Craig’s Bond)
Villain - Ernst Stavro Blofeld
- Blofeld returns once again, this time with another mad-ass plan..
- First, he decides to appease his ego by pursuing a ‘count’ title that doesn’t belong to him. Then he sets up this research institute right up at the top of the Alps, completely top secret and inaccessible - under the pretense of developing cures for allergies.
- He DOES develop a cure for allergies, but only cures 10 pretty girls - so that he can also brainwash / hypnotize them to eventually distribute a biological agent around the world.. For goodness sake, with the amount of resources you have, just hire some cheap ass stupid thugs to do the work larr…
Villain - Irma Bunt
- Blofeld’s right hand woman. She’s the mamasan that takes care of the 10 ‘Angels of Death’…
- Nothing particularly threatening about this old bitch. Just that she survives at the end with Blofeld, and together, murders Bond’s wife (read below)..
Bond Girl - Contessa Teresa ‘Tracy’ di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg)
- She is the daughter to Draco, another crime boss that helps Bond get access to Blofeld
- This is one tough resourceful babe! Spoilt, independent, strong willed - she even saves Bond’s life more than once.
- Bond eventually falls in love and marries her - but it all ends in tragedy - the most depressing Bond ending ever, as she dies in Bond’s arms on the day of their marriage… *sob*
- Hotness Level - 4/5
Bond Girl - Ruby Bartlett (Angela Scoular)
- One of Blofeld’s allergy patients (she’s allergic to chicken).
- Poor girl must have gotten so horny having been deprived of men that she invites Bond to her room - by secretly writing her room number on Bond’s inner thigh with lipstick during dinner..
- Didn’t quite like her chirpy demeanor and thick American countryside accent. But I’m giving her credit thanks to a nipple slip in one of her scenes.. Hotness Level - 3/5
Bond Girl - Nancy (Catherina von Schell)
- Yet another horny allergy patient (this one’s allergic to potatoes).
- She managed to creep into Bond’s room on the same night that Bond seduced Ruby. Bond used the exact same lines that he used on Ruby earlier on Nancy, to good effect - and bam, 2nd babe for the night.
- No undressing or nudity here though. Hotness Level - 2/5
Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
- This time, Sean Connery decides to return one final time as Bond.
- Bond is tasked to find out the culprit behind some major diamond smuggling operation - which eventually leads back to Blofeld, and an insane plan to launch a laser satellite that uses diamonds to concentrate the beam.
- What can you expect? Bond almost gets cremated alive at a funeral parlor, an over the top car chase scene with the police (lots of cars gets trashed), a peek into a fake moon landing stage (following the conspiracy theories of the time), a REALLY ridiculous moon buggy chase, and a cheap assault on an oil rig base.
Villain - Ernst Stavro Blofeld
- Blofeld dies at the beginning of the movie, and returns to life again! No thanks to his research on plastic surgery to create duplicates of himself.
- However, when he dies this time - it’s FOR GOOD. YAY!
Villain - Mr. Wint & Mr. Kidd
- Deadly sarcastic, witty, cruel, sadistic duo. These 2 are tasked with eliminating the diamond smuggling path by killing everyone involved. They even almost got Bond himself.
- They are both gays. Not kidding.
- They die horrible deaths - burned alive / drowning and exploding in midair - thanks to Bond of course..
Villain / Bond Girl - Tiffany Case (Jill St. John)
- Starts off as an enemy as she was after the diamonds - but joins Bond when she realizes that her own life is at stake.
- A greedy, naive, air-headed girl who hilariously does more harm than good when she tries to help Bond near the end of the film. Typical bimbo!
- Hotness Level 3.5/5
Villains / Bond Girls - Thumper & Bambi (Trina Parks & Lola Larson)
- Gawsh man, these 2 were such a shocking surprise. They are acrobatic martial artists and managed to give Bond a good ‘thumping’, before Bond gets the upper hand again.
- Hotness Level 1/5
Bond Girl - Plenty O’Toole (Lana Wood)
- Sexy Sexy! A gold digger who latches onto Bond when he goes on a high stakes gambling winning spree.
- Follows back to his room, gets almost naked except for a see through panties, almost gets it on with Bond, but was rudely interrupted by baddies who throw her out the window and into a pool.
- Hotness Level 4/5 (Would be higher if not for her annoying voice)
Live and Let Die (1973)
- This particular Bond flick is DAMN racist. ALL the bad guys in this movie were stereotypical blacks.
- This is the first Bond film to star Roger Moore as Bond. I think Roger Moore makes an exceptional Bond due to his extremely cool under pressure demeanour.
- Get ready for some occult voodoo stuff, a tight situation involving a bunch of crocodiles, a mad bus chase (with Bond driving the bus), a very long winded boat chase scene, and lots of snakes..
Villain - Kananga / Mr. Big
- The mastermind behind the whole grand scheme to smuggle huge loads of heroine into America, get everyone addicted for free, and then monopolize the drug trade.
- Through the use of dual identities, manages to get the backing from the majority of blacks including some really spooky henchmen.
Villain - Baron Samedi
- The enigmatic occultist who is in charge of human sacrifices, rises from the grave for his ceremonies, and claims he cannot die.
- A very mysterious character - and although Bond seems to have killed him off, he reappears again at the very final part of the movie just as the credits roll, suggesting a supernatural origin perhaps..
Villain - Tee Hee
- Another of Kananga’s henchmen, Tee Hee sports a mechanical arm capable of cutting through hard objects, bending guns, and increased strength.
- Attempts to kill Bond off even after Kananga’s death - but is himself foiled thanks to a simple pair of wire cutters.
Villain / Bond Girl - Rosie Carver (Gloria Hendry)
- CIA Agent turned rogue - acts all inexperienced and innocent (maybe she is), and gains comfort and trust while in Bond’s arms.
- Solitaire however tipped Bond off, and poor Rosie was eventually killed of by Kananga’s security system while running away from fear of coconuts dressed up to look like heads.
- Hotness Level : 1/5
Bond Girl - Solitaire (Jane Seymour)
- Vava voom! A psychic able to predict current and future events through tarot cards. She also happens to be the first ‘virgin’ in Bond films.
- Forced into servitude to Kananga due to her supernatural powers, Bond eventually comes to rescue her - or was it seduce her. After losing her virginity to Bond, she loses her psychic abilities too. Way to go Bond!
- Her innocence, mysteriousness, beauty adds together for some seriously raised temperature levels. Hotness Level 4.5/5.
Bond Girl - Miss Caruso (Madeline Smith)
- A minor Bond girl, who just happens to be sleeping with Bond when M and Moneypenny comes door knocking in the beginning of the film.
- I just had to include her in cause she really was quite pretty.
Hotness Level 3.5/5.
The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
- Bond goes all over Hong Kong, Macau & Thailand in search for an assassin called Scaramanga - who supposedly sent a message claiming Bond as his next target. Along the way, he will discover a conspiracy to obtain a technological breakthrough that can ’solve all energy crisis’ - a super efficient solar converter called the solex agitator. Quite straightforward…
- This Bond film had the overall lowest earnings in history. Many parties also claim it to be amongst the worst Bond films ever made due to it being very uninspired - but I thought it wasn’t too bad.
- Roger Moore is hardass in this one, resorting to beating a woman up to get information out of her, or making love to one, while another is made to wait in the closet.. gosh!
Villain - Francisco Scaramanga
- The Man with the Golden Gun. Just because he has a lighter that can be converted into a gun. If anyone walks around with a lighter that size today, they’re gonna be a major laughing stock man.
- He never misses with his gun.. konon.. but still gets outsmarted by Bond at the end.. obviously.
- Should be renamed to The Man with Three Nipples - yup, his 3rd nipple is apparently the only thing that distinguishes him from others (his photo never been taken). I coudln’t stop thinking about Chandler.. hahaha.
Villain - Nick Nack
- Scaramanga’s dwarf henchman. This guy is seriously too cute to be menacing.
- He was supposed to inherit all of Scaramanga’s wealth once Scaramanga dies - but who’d expect Bond blowing the entire place up and depriving this poor thing of his happily ever after.
Bond Girl / Villian - Andrea Anders (Maud Adams)
- Starts off as being Scaramanga’s chiq, but after a few slap arounds by Bond, eventually caves in to help Bond.. to her eventual demise..
- Hotness Level 2.5/5.
Bond Girl - Mary Goodnight (Britt Ekland)
- A British MI6 assistant to Bond. This blonde bimbo sometimes seem to do more harm than good and almost gets Bond killed on a few occasions. But her hopping around in a bikini at the end does more good than harm though.
- Hotness Level 3/5.
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
- Top grossing Bond film and voted by many as amongst the best ever made.
- Features an epic plot about a villain with plans to start a nuclear war, and creating his own civilization under the sea. It’s got a massive ship capable of disabling and stealing submarines, and an underwater city (Atlantis). Throw in a Lotus Esprit that can convert into a submersible and you can pretty much expect lots of underwater action in the movie.
Villain - Karl Stromberg
- Don’t mess with this old man - he kills everyone who gets in his way, by feeding them to the sharks, or when they least expect it.
- He’s got webbed hands - not particularly intimidating, but his role more than makes up for it in terms of sheer villainy with an insane plan to take over the world.
Villain - Jaws
- Stromberg’s henchman. Whoa - this MOFO is BADDD (in a good way).
- He is near immortal and despite whatever happens to him, just CAN’T DIE. Appears multiple times during the movie, and almost gets the upper hand in all of them. Watch him claw out of being trapped under rubble, tear a van to pieces, survive being hit by a car, wrestle a shark and win, endure electric shocks and being thrown out of a train, and ultimately survive the destruction of Atlantis.
- Note his metal teeth - hence his name. He can pretty much bite through anything - including steel chains!
Bond Girl - Major Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach)
- A Soviet spy sent to partner with Bond in order to track down the culprit who’s been hijacking their submarines.
- She claims that she will kill Bond after the mission, due to finding out that Bond killed her lover prior to the mission. Of course, Bond manages to turn things around.
- Sexy sexy sexy. She’s suave, confident, and downright not to be messed with. And she’s got a killer body to boot.
- Hotness Level 4/5
Okay, I OBVIOUSLY failed in my objective to watch all 20 Bond films before the release of Quantum of Solace. I watched that about a week back, and my review for it will be coming up shortly too. Not to worry, I intend to continue with the remaining 10 Bond films (part 3 and 4), so keep tuned for more Bond villains and Babes! 
