Dr. No (1962)
- The 1st James Bond film that started the legendary franchise - it also set the theme and many of the precedents for all future Bond movies to follow - the theme song, the stylized intros, the girls..
Villain - Dr. Julius No
- Introduces the master criminal organization known as SPECTRE (Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion)
- Mastermind behind the project to use radio beams to topple American rockets. Was going to topple American’s rocket launch to orbit the moon. Has a deep underground research facility on Crab Key island off Jamaica.
- Lost both his hands due to radioactive experiments. Replaced them with super strong mechanical prosthesis.
- Died by boiling / drowning in radioactive coolant when his mechanical hands didn’t have the traction and grip to pull himself out.
Villain / Bond Girl - Miss Taro (Zena Marshall)
- Spy for professor Dent (one of Dr. No’s kulis), tasked to lure Bond to his death - but in the end gets outwitted by Bond himself, who nicely gives her a good fuck before sending her off to the authorities. Way to go Bond!
- Loved how her bath towel is nicely sculpted to the shape of her boobs.. Hotness level - 3.5/5 stars -
Bond Girl - Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress)
- She was just collecting sea shells on a forbidden island - completely caught in the wrong place at the wrong time! What a premise to throw a hot chiq into the equation..
- She set the standards for ALL Bond girls to follow, and was one of the hottest sex icons for the decade. That bikini you see, was auctioned off for 35,000 pounds! This scene was ranked #1 in “the 100 Greatest Sexy Moments” on BBC in 2003. In 2007, Australian series 20 to 1 ranked her entrance in Dr. No as the #2 Sexiest Movie Moment.
- Hotness level - 4/5 stars
From Russia With Love (1963)
- A much better film compared to Dr. No - probably due to the higher budget, and continuity in the storyline. There’s a lot more humor here, with better one liners.
- Also, the first true bond gadget is introduced here - a special briefcase kit with an exploding teargas canister for those who don’t know how to open it, concealed dagger, 20 gold sovereigns, hidden bullets and a modular rifle.
- Interesting due to all the double crossing involved compared to the straight forward approach of the first film.
Villains - SPECTRE #5 Kronsteen and #3 Rosa Klebb
- Kronsteen, Chess Grandmaster devises the plan to pit the Russians and British against each other by staging a trap where the British is given an opportunity to steal the Russian Lektor decoding machine.
- Rosa Klebb is appointed to source for the girl to lure Bond into the trap, and the assassin to kill him.
- They both eventually die pathetic deaths - none of which from Bond’s hands.
Villains - Red Grant
- The master assassin tasked to kill James Bond. Trademark use is of a wire garrote built into his watch.
- Dies in a brutal fight with Bond on a train, in a reversal by Bond, who uses the same wire garrote to kill him.
Bond Girl - Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi)
- The unwitting pawn of Rosa Klebb, tasked with meeting Bond and handing over the Lektor Decoding machine.
- Of course, she eventually falls for Bond..
- Hotness level 3/5 stars.
Goldfinger (1964)
- The first true Bond blockbuster - this film was a tremendous success, won multiple awards and ensured that the Bond franchise will forever continue..
- Gold smuggling, homing devices, the very first Bond car - with a passenger ejection seat, front firing machine guns, rear oil slicks, smoke dispenser and bullet screen, cheating at cards & golf, the very first appearance of a laser beam in a movie, compacting a car into scrap, nerve gas dispensing planes, a nuclear bomb, and a high altitude plane decompression.. Goldfinger has them all!
Villain - Auric Goldfinger
- Hatches an insane plan to rob.. no irradiate Fort Knox that holds the entire American gold reserves to raise the value of his own gold stockpile.
- Besides being filthy rich, and overweight, there’s nothing particularly menacing about this dude. He isn’t even part of SPECTRE.
- Dies by getting his fat body sucked out of the window of a plane…
Villain - Oddjob
- One of the most memorable screen villains of all time. The personal aide to Goldfinger.
- Don’t let his stout frame mislead you. This badass can throw his steel edged bowler hat and decapitate stone statues, or crush golf balls with his bare hands.
- Just too bad the electricity conducting element of his steel hat will prove to be his downfall..
Villain / Bond Girl - Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman)
- I’m not kidding, her screen name REALLY IS Pussy Galore. Who writes these scripts!
- Head of a flying circus, and the key for Goldfinger’s plans to distribute nerve gas around Fort Knox. Too bad Bond successfully seduces her with what must have been a goddamn good fuck, because she switch sides at the very end and betrays Goldfinger.
- This auntie is SO NOT hot. Hotness Level 1/5.
Bond Girl - Jill Masterson (Shirley Eaton)
- Just a girl who helps Goldfinger cheats at cards, but once her cover is blown, she decides to join Bond instead.
- Goldfinger apparently didn’t think this was funny, cause he kills her by painting her entirely in gold paint (death by skin suffocation). Yeah right, like that can happen in real life…
- She looked mighty fine in her black lacy underwear, but her face leaves much to be desired. Hotness Level 2.5/5
Bond Girl - Tilly Masterson (Tania Mallet)
- Jill Masterson’s sister who crosses path with Bond while trying to take revenge for her sister’s death by assassinating Goldfinger.
- Bond doesn’t really get to sleep with Tilly, and Tilly dies quite prematurely in the film too but she was definitely hot enough to be included here since the MAIN Bond Girl (Pussy Galore) was so unsatisfying..
- Hotness Level 3/5
Thunderball (1965)
- SPECTRE hijacks a bomber, lands it at the bottom of the ocean (the most unrealistic thing you’ll see), and steals two live atomic bombs on it. Threatens to blow up two cities unless the world government pays 100 million pound sterlings. *smirks at the amount after the recent American bailout debacle*..
- Bond nearly dies on a giant vibrating bed (spine stretcher). True, he almost dies in lots of other scenes, but this was easily the MOST ludicrous.
- Plastic surgery impersonation ala Face/Off makes a brief appearance here, with a cool detachable yacht (kinda like Enterprise D) but the highlight of the movie will be the long drawn out elaborate underwater battle between SPECTRE agents, MI6 Frogmen, and Bond himself - with scuba gear, harpoons, knifes, sharks and a lot of “I incapacitate you by knocking your goggles off” parts.
Villain - SPECTRE #2 Emilio Largo
- Menacing eye patch, and mastermind over the atomic bomb thefts. Nothing special about him, except that he has a pool filled with sharks that he enjoys throwing people in.
- He also happens to ‘have’ a lady that Bond covets (see below), and will die by getting harpooned in the back by her.. Likely payback for all the ‘harpooning’ she got from him over the years..
Villain / Bond Girl - Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi)
- Largo’s femme fatale henchwoman, who is eventually tasked to kill Bond.. AFTER making love to him first of course.
- Too bad she and her body guards are quite incompetent.. cause a bullet meant for Bond, ended up killing her instead. Tsk tsk.
- The scene where Bond catches her in the bathtub, and she asks for something to wear, and Bond calmly just passes her shoes was priceless..
Hotness Level - 3.5/5
Bond Girl - Dominique ‘Domino’ Derval (Claudine Auger)
- Her ‘guardian’ is Largo, who double crossed her brother during the bomb heist. When Bond reveals this to her, she willingly partakes in the attempt to stop Largo. However for the entire movie - she doesn’t really do much except provide some on screen eye candy.
- She was marvelous in her black white ‘domino’ bikini. Growll. Hotness Level - 4/5
You Only Live Twice (1967)
- This film takes things to new absurd levels where SPECTRE sends up their own spacecraft to capture both American and Russian space modules to cause the next World War.
- Get ready for some corny space scenes, oriental beauties, helicopter dogfight, and an epic ninja vs henchmen battle in a secret massive volcano base.
- Screenplay was written by Roald Dahl (YES - that same witty kid literature author).
Villain - SPECTRE #1 Ernst Stavro Blofeld
- After multiple teaser shots of showing just his hands stroking his white cat in the previous Bond films, this is the first appearance of SPECTRE’s #1.
- Gosh, no thanks to Austin Powers, all I see in him is just a Dr. Evil. A really short un-intimidating one.
Villain / Bond Girl - Helga Brandt (Karin Dor)
- OMG, the lamest villain part in history. What is this, she catches him, ties him up, seduces him, then lets him go, then gets on a plane with him (supposedly to escape) only to reveal its a trap and jumps out leaving him in it. MAKE UP YOUR MIND BITCH.
- Deserved to die via lame horrible execution by #1 in a pirahna pool…
Bond Girl - Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi)
- Japanese SIS Agent who saves Bond’s pathetic ass more than once.
- Poor girl dies from poison that was meant for Bond.
- Despite being a true femme fatale, she looked a bit weird to me. Hotness Level 3/5
Bond Girl - Kissy (Mie Hama)
- She was Bond’s undercover wife as he and the ninjas infiltrate the volcano island.
- Va va voom! Doesn’t do much cept run around with Bond in a bikini during the last 40 minutes of the movie. Hotness Level 4.5/5
Thats it, the first 5 Bond movies, watched over the span of 3 days. 16 more to go. Seriously doubt that I can finish them AND write blog reviews in time before the Quantum of Solace is released.. So did I help jog some of your memories? Although most these girls are in their 70’s now, they were quite an eyeful back then..
